Santa Gram?

Still looking for a way to make some extra cash for Christmas, I searched the Wanted ads very carefully this time and thought I found the perfect job. The ad read, “Looking for the right person for Santa Grams.” Wow, I thought, Santa grahams! I love graham crackers and figured the job had something to do with making little Santa graham cracker cookies, you know, like those little elf cookies, or possibly a taste tester, or even maybe a packager. So, I applied for the job. The interview went well, and quick if I might say, and ended with the manager stating I was perfect for the job. He never actually explained what the job entailed but regardless, I was excited about working with food.

So, I showed up for my first day of work and was terribly confused when the manager handed me a Santa suit and an address. “What?!” “Okay, I get it. I deliver the Santa suit and pick up the Santa Grahams, right?” I asked. “What are you talking about? Don’t be ridiculous. Just put on the suit, go to the party at the address I gave you, do a few Christmas songs, and don’t forget to collect the money,” he grumbled impatiently. Still confused, I asked, “What about the graham crackers?” The manager just blankly stared at me for what seemed like forever, then rolled his eyes and turned and left. Well, here we go again. Another one of those misleading jobs.

But, not to be irresponsible, I donned the suit, beard and all, and headed off to the party. It was a little awkward when I first arrived. Some people screamed “Santa!” while others just giggled sheepishly. Suddenly, an uncomfortable silence took over. Remembering what the manager said, and being a performer by nature, I quickly went into Bing Crosby’s version of White Christmas. The response was pretty good so I figured I’d kick it up a notch with Elvis’ version of Blue Christmas. Boy, was that well received! And my hip action really got the girls going! Before I knew it the crowd was going wild and tips were flying. I didn’t need much encouraging to start break dancing to the tune of Jingle Bell Rock. Everyone went nuts. They all started chanting, “GO SANTA! GO SANTA!” But how I got up on that table Russian dancing to Feliz Navidad in double time, I’ll never know. What a night!

So, it looks like I really did find the perfect job after all. The manager received so many requests for me that I even got a bonus! And not only that, he gave me a case of graham crackers as an early Christmas present.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Christmas Wrapper?

I got over the fact of being fired right after I heard about this great job offer in one of the local stores. I heard they were looking for a Christmas Rapper and being as musically inclined as I am, I quickly applied for the job. I showed up in my hoodie and bling ready to perform my newly written Christmas Rap. The manager took one look at me, eyebrow raised, and said “Here,” as he handed me some scissors, a tape dispenser, some stupid antlers and a bow tie. He quickly shoved me behind a counter and said, “Wrap all the gifts as efficiently as possible.” Now how am I supposed to wrap gifts without thumbs, I ask you. Tying bows is practically impossible and the tape keeps getting stuck to my fur! In dire need of some extra cash I tried to go with the flow and belted out my Christmas Rap anyway thinking it would entertain the customers standing in line….

My name is Brin Daddy B
And I’m here to say Merry Christmas ya see
I know what you be wishin’
And I’m on a big fat mission
To get the gifts you been askin’ fo
So you don’t be wishin’ for those gifts no mo
I’m here to help the fat man here
Just like I try to do every year
So have yourself a merry merry day
I wouldn’t want it any other way…

After nearly finishing my Rap the manager rushed over and gave me the all familiar “YOU’RE FIRED” spiel. Foiled again! I must research these job offers thoroughly before I apply next time….

Lounging Around

Ok, so I’m home, practicing Christmas tunes for the twins. Go ahead, ask me why. Well, it all started when I applied for a part time job as a lounge performer to make some extra cash for Christmas. I got the job immediately. I mean, after all, lounge songs are my specialty. I dressed appropriately all set to please the crowd. I figured I’d blow them away with my first song, Look of Love by Burt Bacharach. I barely completed the song when the manager came rushing over to me and brashly said, “It’s the holidays. Do you think you can play something a little more Christmassy?” “Sure!” I replied and belted out Mack the Knife by Bobby Darin. I barely got through the song when I saw the manager come charging at me once again. “Look Mister, I hired you to play Christmas tunes, not elevator music!” he yelled. “That is a Christmas tune. I just sang about scarlet billows. Scarlet is the color of Christmas and billows is what Santa uses to get the fire blazing in the fireplace so no one can figure out how he got down that chimney” I replied. “That’s bellows, not billows, you nit!” he shouted. “Fine, Mr. Cranky” I mumbled under my breath. Everything seemed to be okay for a while until I ripped through Floyd Cramer’s version of Chattanooga Choo Choo. That’s when everything turned from bad to worse. He screamed something incomprehensible about the song and Christmas when I cut him off. “Mr. Manager, Chattanooga Choo Choo’s are under everyone’s Christmas tree going round and round pleasing kids all over the world.” “THAT’S IT! YOU’RE FIRED!” Can you believe it? He actually fired me. Hence, that is the reason why I’m here practicing hum drum Christmas songs with the kids.