Monday, December 8, 2008
Ok, so I’m home, practicing Christmas tunes for the twins. Go ahead, ask me why. Well, it all started when I applied for a part time job as a lounge performer to make some extra cash for Christmas. I got the job immediately. I mean, after all, lounge songs are my specialty. I dressed appropriately all set to please the crowd. I figured I’d blow them away with my first song, Look of Love by Burt Bacharach. I barely completed the song when the manager came rushing over to me and brashly said, “It’s the holidays. Do you think you can play something a little more Christmassy?” “Sure!” I replied and belted out Mack the Knife by Bobby Darin. I barely got through the song when I saw the manager come charging at me once again. “Look Mister, I hired you to play Christmas tunes, not elevator music!” he yelled. “That is a Christmas tune. I just sang about scarlet billows. Scarlet is the color of Christmas and billows is what Santa uses to get the fire blazing in the fireplace so no one can figure out how he got down that chimney” I replied. “That’s bellows, not billows, you nit!” he shouted. “Fine, Mr. Cranky” I mumbled under my breath. Everything seemed to be okay for a while until I ripped through Floyd Cramer’s version of Chattanooga Choo Choo. That’s when everything turned from bad to worse. He screamed something incomprehensible about the song and Christmas when I cut him off. “Mr. Manager, Chattanooga Choo Choo’s are under everyone’s Christmas tree going round and round pleasing kids all over the world.” “THAT’S IT! YOU’RE FIRED!” Can you believe it? He actually fired me. Hence, that is the reason why I’m here practicing hum drum Christmas songs with the kids.